Another sucky poem with a topical question...

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Woetrame
Posts: 33
Joined: 12 Feb 2013, 03:35

Another sucky poem with a topical question...

#1 Post by Woetrame » 05 Oct 2013, 02:14

WWI.

I don't know how to put this succinctly;
the idea is not complicated, but still
we are cavemen in our ignorance:

First there was tax; then more, then war.
On foreign shores our brethren died,
as fast as we could forward them.

Driven into hostile lands upon ignoble chariots,
or felled from the sky on a fabric chute,
woven by a tax on our people skills.

Such lucky few who worked for free to support a war
we did not need, by force of will alone returned
the world to bitter peace.

A fair trade then;
our freedom is and was a worthy expense,
as much in blood as in recompense?

Yet such poor souls as did survive
did borrow more to subsidise a victory
seen only through dead men's eyes.

It seems our fears did rob us
and our victories become us.
What then, Caveman is the cost of war?


I'll take a critique of the poem, though it's not going to be publishable for several years even if you decide you like it. Failing that, what do you think about the use of a hyperlink in a poem? I'm not interested in whether or not you LIKE hyperlinks in a poem, I want you to probe their potential, analyse their effectiveness, and ask the question - why hasn't this happened already? Modern art seems to have flourished, embracing technology; yet even computerised poetry lags behind -Why?

dyerfrank
Posts: 71
Joined: 09 Nov 2013, 03:17

Re: Another sucky poem with a topical question...

#2 Post by dyerfrank » 21 Dec 2013, 21:54

Sucky indeed!

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