Misery of a Cold Winter
Misery of a Cold Winter
Our legs chapped
from the dripping of urine
in the cold of winter
walking to school in the rain
meant stripping off by the radiators
not willing the girls should see our thin white legs
Teachers fussed around us
Placing wet clothing to dry
with encouraging platitudes
Our parents loved us
but they slept in the warm bedroom
heated from the chimney below
from the blazing coal fire
Our room collected our breath
on frozen window panes
Jack Frost visited but
We failed to enjoy his charming patterns
as we shivered in the blue black dawns
Mam placed a china pot in our bed
filled with boiling water
but it took hours for us to fall asleep
The wind howled on some nights
whistling in its fury
shaking the rafters overhead
walking loudly through the roof spaces
To this day I feel spoiled
when I drive with the heater on
a luxury tinged with memories
from the dripping of urine
in the cold of winter
walking to school in the rain
meant stripping off by the radiators
not willing the girls should see our thin white legs
Teachers fussed around us
Placing wet clothing to dry
with encouraging platitudes
Our parents loved us
but they slept in the warm bedroom
heated from the chimney below
from the blazing coal fire
Our room collected our breath
on frozen window panes
Jack Frost visited but
We failed to enjoy his charming patterns
as we shivered in the blue black dawns
Mam placed a china pot in our bed
filled with boiling water
but it took hours for us to fall asleep
The wind howled on some nights
whistling in its fury
shaking the rafters overhead
walking loudly through the roof spaces
To this day I feel spoiled
when I drive with the heater on
a luxury tinged with memories
Re: Misery of a Cold Winter
A lot of good description here. Especially like S1&2. I just don't buy the last stanza. I don't think you've won such an ending.
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Re: Misery of a Cold Winter
Hi Frank,
poetry reading & writing
until that last stanza lapses into editorial mode
reads like an expository clincher
for now end w/:
"shaking the rafters overhead
walking loudly through the roof spaces"
or make figurative:
The wind howled on some nights
whistling in its fury
shaking the rafters overhead
walking loudly through the roof spaces
like endurance waking the weak
not having the will to overcome.
Michael (MV)
poetry reading & writing
until that last stanza lapses into editorial mode
reads like an expository clincher
for now end w/:
"shaking the rafters overhead
walking loudly through the roof spaces"
or make figurative:
The wind howled on some nights
whistling in its fury
shaking the rafters overhead
walking loudly through the roof spaces
like endurance waking the weak
not having the will to overcome.
Michael (MV)
Re: Misery of a Cold Winter
Thanks Guys, I knew it was weak when I wrote it, a cliche even. Knowing what we want to say, reaching out to say it in a new eay, that the clincher.
I changed my name forgot my old password and found it impossible to get back in, what a bummer... an Americanism.
I changed my name forgot my old password and found it impossible to get back in, what a bummer... an Americanism.
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- Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57
Re: Misery of a Cold Winter
Hi Frank,
That's an improved last stanza.
If you don't already have plans for this poem, and if you aren't representing any other board this upcoming IBPC,
would you please represent the Block with Misery of a Cold Winter.
Please accept or decline in this thread @ Palaver:
If accepting, please provide all the necessary info delineated in the initial entry of that thread:
Thanks, Frank,
and a wonderful & safe Thanksgiving to you
Michael (MV)
That's an improved last stanza.
If you don't already have plans for this poem, and if you aren't representing any other board this upcoming IBPC,
would you please represent the Block with Misery of a Cold Winter.
Please accept or decline in this thread @ Palaver:
If accepting, please provide all the necessary info delineated in the initial entry of that thread:
Thanks, Frank,
and a wonderful & safe Thanksgiving to you
Michael (MV)
dyerfrank wrote:Thanks Guys, I knew it was weak when I wrote it, a cliche even. Knowing what we want to say, reaching out to say it in a new eay, that the clincher.
I changed my name forgot my old password and found it impossible to get back in, what a bummer... an Americanism.
Re: Misery of a Cold Winter
I see you asked permission to enter this poem, that's ok with me. I just don't know the rules or the method, it is now the 2nd December. Other than that I don't think this poem is good enough for entry but you have my permission to enter it under my name.
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- Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57
Re: Misery of a Cold Winter
Thanks, Frank
Please follow this Link to the Block's Palaver
viewtopic.php?f=3&t=5762
and please provide in the designated thread
Upcoming IBPC December 2013
all the needed info as delineated in the initial entry of that thread.
Thanks, Frank
Michael (MV)
Please follow this Link to the Block's Palaver
viewtopic.php?f=3&t=5762
and please provide in the designated thread
Upcoming IBPC December 2013
all the needed info as delineated in the initial entry of that thread.
Thanks, Frank
Michael (MV)
dyerfrank wrote:I see you asked permission to enter this poem, that's ok with me. I just don't know the rules or the method, it is now the 2nd December. Other than that I don't think this poem is good enough for entry but you have my permission to enter it under my name.
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- Posts: 1168
- Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30
Re: Misery of a Cold Winter
I like reading this poem again and again.Michael is very good at editing. Not to mention the poetry.