Lois Lane In Love

Poets post their works-in-progress here for crit and commentary. We want poets who are serious about getting their work published.
Post Reply
Message
Author
BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Lois Lane In Love

#1 Post by BobBradshaw » 08 Mar 2020, 21:29

ImageV2:

Lois Lane In Love


He’s always diving out an open window
waving goodbye,

but when he does find time for a quick
kiss, a surge of energy floods

my nerves. It's like a power surge
after an outage,

every suburb in my body
lighting up. All night as he circles

the planet, saving Paris, New Delhi,
Minneapolis, I lie on my bed,

adrift in dreams, a cruise ship
on a dark sea, its portals
brightly lit


V1:
Superman and Lois Lane

Just as I think I'm beginning to crack
that boulder in his chest

his phone rings.
"Sorry, Lois. I have to take this…"

and suddenly he's diving out
an open window, waving g'bye.

When he does find time for a quick
kiss, a surge of energy floods

my nerves. It's like a power outage
and suddenly the power grid is online

again, every suburb in my body
lighting up. All night as he circles

the planet, saving Paris, New Delhi,
Minneapolis, I lie on my bed,

adrift in dreams, a cruise ship
on a dark sea, its portals
brightly lit

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Superman and Lois Lane

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 12 Mar 2020, 06:22

A slight cut...

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Lois Lane, In Love

#3 Post by BobBradshaw » 14 Mar 2020, 21:23

shortened

SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1168
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: Lois Lane In Love

#4 Post by SivaRamanathan » 18 Mar 2020, 09:51

Had to google Lois Lane,but still cannot relate to the nuances.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Lois Lane In Love

#5 Post by BobBradshaw » 18 Mar 2020, 21:30

Really? Cultural gap...lol...you've never seen a Superman movie or tv series or read a Superman comic? You have better tastes than I have!

SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1168
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: Lois Lane In Love

#6 Post by SivaRamanathan » 19 Mar 2020, 14:09

I smiled. There are nice and stunningly new word combinations in this poem. One moment caught .

S

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Lois Lane In Love

#7 Post by BobBradshaw » 19 Mar 2020, 20:57

Thanks, Siva. :)

Post Reply