KILLING THE INNOCENT

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SnickleFrittes
Posts: 13
Joined: 02 Jan 2013, 00:38

KILLING THE INNOCENT

#1 Post by SnickleFrittes » 10 Jan 2013, 22:33

they say
high blood pressure
is the
silent
killer

it comes
in the night
or
at the
little league
baseball game

unexpectedly
drops you
like a sac
of eggs
on the stained
pavement

you know. . .

they say
the same
about a
broken
heart

Michael (MV)
Posts: 1685
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: KILLING THE INNOCENT

#2 Post by Michael (MV) » 21 Jan 2013, 05:53

Welcome to the Block, SnickleFrittes

I like how the poem *drops* down the page, a la William Carlos Williams.

I like the poem   :)

workshop illustrated below for your perusal & consideration       -- Michael (MV)


"killing the innocent" 


high blood
pressure is the silent
killer

it comes
in the night
or

at the little
league baseball game

unexpectedly
drops you
like a sac
of eggs
on the stained
pavement

the same
with a broken
heart


 
 
 
 
 


 
 

SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1169
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: KILLING THE INNOCENT

#3 Post by SivaRamanathan » 23 Jan 2013, 18:17

Welcome to the block SnickleFrittes!

I like Michael's work shopping of your poem.It is minimalistic.

Siva

richardc
Posts: 3
Joined: 28 Jan 2013, 01:22

Re: KILLING THE INNOCENT

#4 Post by richardc » 28 Jan 2013, 01:33

I like the contrasts in this. "sack of eggs" and "broken heart"

"in the night" and "at the litle league game"

I'm also a sucker for "slim" poems like this that punctuate themelves.

The title leads you to believe it's about wartime - another contrast.

well done, RC

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