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It is written with pains felt.
Death results in pain.You have taken pains to write the poem.
The original is good but the edited one is much better.
Your poem is worth the nomination.
Keep it up.
meenas.

Thanks.

dyerfrank,

You have seen so many places.
"men dying as my journey began"- an oxymoron sets the tone of the poem.
The dark continent becomes a defeated continent in your poem.
The continent is dark but full of untapped natural resources.
Nicely written.

The sun still not awake though it is six in the morning the bustle almost not found the morn looks sullen. The sky is down cast darkness hovers over rains would come a sign of welcome. The day advances still no move of the sun peculiar it appears something amiss is on the way. Slowly the sun comes o...

dyerfrank,
Amused to read that this would work on a book on bipolar diseases, on a song or a film.
Sorry to have tortured you with my writing style.

meena

dyerfrank, I cradled you in my hands full put you to sleep. You crossed the road under my eyes secure and fast. You learnt to write letters in small and big getting the cue from me. You grew up perfect and smart wanting to reach great heights. The tale of the hands told by a mother past, present and...

Michael,

Need drives the sweeper
to take up the chore
sweeping manually before
replaced by gadgets now
he who received wages low long ago
now lives in ease
has shed his lowliness
holds his head high.


I have incorporated the first stanza into the second.
Hope it works out.
meena

A short and fulfilling poem .
meena

Domestic help is common
employing men and women
the errands are done
sweeping and mopping
with rags long ago
replaced with brush now.

Need drives the sweeper
to take up the chore
he who received wages low long ago
now lives in ease
has shed his lowliness
holds his head high.

Good cinquain-poem
Telegraphic language.

A contempt is expressed in the lines.
'a human being pretending
to be a vacuum cleaner,

None pretend while doing a job.


It is a prose poem. Stanzas have been deliberately formed.
Meena

Picturing Tami Nadu and its zeal in a colourful way.

Nice Poem.

I would redo and post it.
menas

In my hands my little son found solace rocking and singing he became calm that be the beginning of my hands association . Holding my hands my son got across with a feeling secure he went about that be the preliminary take of my hands. Holding his hands I taught him to write write did he with figures...

A poem that says much without saying .
It tells of the hurt deep and intense.
Love the last line
"The beginning of the end"

The onus of the girl child there being a push off than father hating her for no reason whatsoever. The girl born suffers all through being cursed by the father held with affection by the mother not openly but in the inner heart. She grows up with the years second to her brother who gets all the good...

I would definitely consider.

The mango tree is fluttering cheerfully in the garden. The guava tree stands solemnly grim with a heavy burden. A whiff of air blows all of a sudden. The trees dangle vigorously with fruits heavily laden. The fall of little mangoes makes the heart sadden. The ripe yellow guavas come down in dozens. ...

It looks like a narrative than a poem.

Distressing it was to hear the news there being a move to fix it up with a truce abiding by the norms and regulations the effort found no light in the revision. The failure to patch up became obvious the defeat looks mostly infectious as there being successions long where the breakups have been stro...

The ties being relatively elusive there being nothing in the offensive at the face apparently they were repulsive in behaviour going through the intensive interaction. The filial relations not very helpful. The parental love not there to fulfil. being left alone by the entire regime had to cope with...

Spend more time with your children that would be for a promise looking after them with care would prove to be a bliss. Spend time not money on them as the attention you devote necessarily hastens in a great progress definitely that would be an achievement in the float. Spending money on them and on ...