V2:
On Bended Knee
I was 50. For years
my heart had beat itself up.
Why did I leave Franny?
Then I ran into her at Costco.
She had no more grown old
than morning sunlight.
After a few days I longed
to get down on a bended knee
and propose as I had
twenty years ago.
Still, everything had to be done
her way. If I disagreed
my point would become an ember
in dry grass; it needed
to be stamped out.
My joints ached more and more,
warning me of the danger
of a bent knee. Maybe.
she asked, we should move in
together?
I looked at Franny,
her eyes expectant—as if
at any moment my right hand
would reach into a pocket
for a ring.
Knives pierced my knees.
I walked away, my heart hobbled
by the thought of marriage.
Without her I still had a future.
Didn’t my bucket list include
the encierro in Pamplona
—the bravado
of a bachelor thankful
to be single, and running
again?
V1:
On Bended Knee
I was 50. For years
my heart had beat itself up.
Why did I leave Franny?
Then I ran into her at Costco.
She had no more grown old
than morning sunlight.
After a few days I longed
to get down on a bended knee
and propose as I had
twenty years ago.
My knees, loyal servants, refused.
Hadn’t they been scarred
enough?
Still, I would have followed her
across a tightrope
without a net, if she’d felt
so inclined for a Sunday stroll.
After a month I admit
the tightrope I was contemplating
made me nervous,
the future a little wobbly.
Everything had to be done
her way. If I disagreed
my point would become an ember
in dry grass; it needed
to be stamped out.
My joints ached more and more,
warning me of the danger
of a bent knee. Maybe.
she asked, we should move in
together?
I looked at Franny,
her eyes expectant—as if
at any moment my right hand
would reach into a pocket
for a ring.
Knives pierced my knees.
I walked away, my heart hobbled
by the thought of marriage.
Without her I still had a future.
Didn’t my bucket list include
the encierro in Pamplona
—the bravado
of a bachelor thankful
to be single, and running
again?
On Bended Knee
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- Posts: 1619
- Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Re: On Bended Knee
Bob, good characterization but I think a judicious pruning would benefit the poem. I have no specifics. You're one of the best at revision
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- Posts: 2683
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: On Bended Knee
Thx for the suggestion, Ken. I have lopped off a couple stanzas.
Re: On Bended Knee
This held my attention from beginning to end. Well pruned Bob.
Eira
Eira