On Bended Knee

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BobBradshaw
Posts: 2675
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

On Bended Knee

#1 Post by BobBradshaw » 20 Apr 2021, 21:28

V2:
On Bended Knee

I was 50. For years
my heart had beat itself up.
Why did I leave Franny?
Then I ran into her at Costco.
She had no more grown old
than morning sunlight.

After a few days I longed
to get down on a bended knee
and propose as I had
twenty years ago.

Still, everything had to be done
her way. If I disagreed
my point would become an ember
in dry grass; it needed
to be stamped out.

My joints ached more and more,
warning me of the danger
of a bent knee. Maybe.
she asked, we should move in
together?

I looked at Franny,
her eyes expectant—as if
at any moment my right hand
would reach into a pocket
for a ring.

Knives pierced my knees.
I walked away, my heart hobbled
by the thought of marriage.

Without her I still had a future.
Didn’t my bucket list include
the encierro in Pamplona
—the bravado
of a bachelor thankful
to be single, and running
again?

V1:
On Bended Knee

I was 50. For years
my heart had beat itself up.
Why did I leave Franny?
Then I ran into her at Costco.
She had no more grown old
than morning sunlight.

After a few days I longed
to get down on a bended knee
and propose as I had
twenty years ago.

My knees, loyal servants, refused.
Hadn’t they been scarred
enough?

Still, I would have followed her
across a tightrope
without a net, if she’d felt
so inclined for a Sunday stroll.

After a month I admit
the tightrope I was contemplating
made me nervous,
the future a little wobbly.

Everything had to be done
her way. If I disagreed
my point would become an ember
in dry grass; it needed
to be stamped out.

My joints ached more and more,
warning me of the danger
of a bent knee. Maybe.
she asked, we should move in
together?

I looked at Franny,
her eyes expectant—as if
at any moment my right hand
would reach into a pocket
for a ring.

Knives pierced my knees.
I walked away, my heart hobbled
by the thought of marriage.

Without her I still had a future.
Didn’t my bucket list include
the encierro in Pamplona
—the bravado
of a bachelor thankful
to be single, and running
again?

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: On Bended Knee

#2 Post by Kenneth2816 » 21 Apr 2021, 19:28

Bob, good characterization but I think a judicious pruning would benefit the poem. I have no specifics. You're one of the best at revision

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2675
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: On Bended Knee

#3 Post by BobBradshaw » 22 Apr 2021, 00:21

Thx for the suggestion, Ken. I have lopped off a couple stanzas.

capricorn
Posts: 382
Joined: 21 Sep 2017, 23:23

Re: On Bended Knee

#4 Post by capricorn » 26 Apr 2021, 01:30

This held my attention from beginning to end. Well pruned Bob.
Eira

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