v2:
In My Next Life I Want To Return as an Animal
I'd not be a camel,
though each morning the sun
breaks over his hump. Where's the glory
in carrying your baggage?
Maybe a Bengal tiger
sprawled on your Persian rug,
daring boyfriends
to call on you.
Or perhaps a gator
-- big rudder of a tail
patrolling your pool,
discouraging poolside parties
and skinny dipping.
The chameleon in me wants to return
as a gecko on your wall,
eavesdropping on hints
of yet another lover in your life.
Truth is, I long to return
as a howler monkey
belting out my heartache
whenever you walk by.
v1:
In My Next Life I Want To Return as an Animal
I'd not be a camel,
though each morning the sun
breaks over his hump. What glory
in carrying your baggage?
Maybe a Bengal tiger
sprawled on your Persian rug,
preventing boyfriends
calling on you.
Or perhaps a gator
-- big rudder of a tail
patrolling your pool,
discouraging poolside parties
and skinny dipping.
The chameleon in me wants to return
as a gecko on your wall,
eavesdropping on hints
of yet another lover in your life.
Truth is, I long to return as a howler monkey
belting out my heartache
whenever you walk
by.
In My Next Life I Want To Return as an Animal
-
- Posts: 2683
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
-
- Posts: 2154
- Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57
Re: In My Next Life I Want To Return as an Animal
Hi Bob,
Enjoyed this entertaining, imaginative love poem. Primal, but ultimately not animal, by virtue of the finale.
3 Workshop-shares:
1/ abbreviate the title, and let title lead-in as the 1st line of poem -
In my next life I want to return
not as a camel.
Though each morning the sun breaks
over his hump, where's the glory
in carrying your baggage?
2/
discouraging boyfriends
calling on you
3/
Truth is, I long to return
as a howler monkey
belting out my heartache
whenever you pass by.
anima over animal
Michael (MV)
-
- Posts: 2683
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: In My Next Life I Want To Return as an Animal
Thx, Michael. I made a couple changes per your ideas. Best
-
- Posts: 2154
- Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57
Re: In My Next Life I Want To Return as an Animal
Hi Bob,
I like your revise, the choice of "daring":
"daring boyfriends
to call on you."
^^ In my workshop-share, I overlooked that "discouraging" makes an appearance in a later stanza.
Michael (MV)
I like your revise, the choice of "daring":
"daring boyfriends
to call on you."
^^ In my workshop-share, I overlooked that "discouraging" makes an appearance in a later stanza.
Michael (MV)
-
- Posts: 2683
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: In My Next Life I Want To Return as an Animal
As always, Michael, I appreciate your comments. Bob