A Sparrow Found (1917)

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FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

A Sparrow Found (1917)

#1 Post by FranktheFrank » 15 Jun 2021, 23:13

A Sparrow Found (1917)
‘I liked to watch her sleep; she slept like a baby.’
Simone (Momone) Berteaut, Piaf, (Paris: Opera Mundi 1969).

Hiss of steam from a coffee machine
a gurgle of absinthe into a glass
rattle of coins on the counter,
the swish from the apron of a serveuse
A piano playing, music feeding
my heart and my mind.

Sitting on the floor of the bistro;
listening to all that went on.
The smell of wine and lager,
of food being prepared.
Chatter of diners, and in the evenings,
singing from drunks.
That was my life Momone and I loved it.

All this without the splash of colour,
without contrast, just a void until
the age of five. I saw the world by hearing,
by smell and by touch.

Imagine a night sky with no moon,
no twinkling stars. A universe that is endless
forever in darkness a black hole in my life.

They say there are places where people
shut out the light and meditate in silence.
Oh what horror, just emptiness, no life.

Mother had left, only Oma Mena to care for me,
to live off scraps, loved but unwashed.
Opu soused in wine. Mena servicing
workmen in the bistros.

I sang those song;
I’d memorised them.
Such beauty
in the refrains.
Then Oma's admonishment,
“Sleep now Edith, stop singing;
it's time to sleep.”

*****

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: A Sparrow Found (1917)

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 16 Jun 2021, 19:39

A lot of nice details in here, but the piece could use some trimming. Enjoyed

Michael (MV)
Posts: 2154
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: A Sparrow Found (1917)

#3 Post by Michael (MV) » 16 Jun 2021, 23:50

Hi Frank,

In accord with Master Bob

Using the subtraction method, edit this draft down to the poem that is there


😎

Michael (MV)

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: A Sparrow Found (1917) v2

#4 Post by Kenneth2816 » 02 Jul 2021, 06:52

Nominated

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: A Sparrow Found (1917) v2

#5 Post by BobBradshaw » 02 Jul 2021, 08:55

I just read the revision... you nail it! Kudos... much of this writing reminds me of Bernie... you have learned a lot from our beloved master.

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: A Sparrow Found (1917) v2

#6 Post by FranktheFrank » 02 Jul 2021, 12:40

Thanks guys
It is always humbling to be recognised by one's peers.
And of course there is something special about the block.
Thanks Kenneth for the nomination, much appreciated, and of course I accept the nom.
I have not been following the threads much this month as I ought, so apologies for that.
I take note of your comment Bob, I think you all have influenced me by your writing
and comments. Bernie was special was he not. I guess my oldest influence has to be Michael Virgo,
and then Billy.
thank you all.

User avatar
Billy
Posts: 1384
Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Re: A Sparrow Found (1917) v2

#7 Post by Billy » 02 Jul 2021, 21:33

Yes, this is a good nom for June

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