Amen

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meenas17
Posts: 822
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Amen

#1 Post by meenas17 » 26 Jun 2021, 16:18

Pal is associated
with a religious mutt
where the Swamiji
turns his devout. A reversal.
instead he following
the religious head. it is
other way round.
an incidental reference
to substantiate
Pal's skill.

Swamiji 's followers
unable to toe with their Guru
decide to quit. Pal acts swift.
Brings in his friends
who, needless to say,
possess the same
qualities of Pal.
The mutt becomes
a society where discussions
other than religion
take place.

It becomes a center
for illegitimate conventions.
Swamiji becomes terminally ill.
Losing its identity the mutt
heads for a closure.
The funds and the building
slip into the hands
of anti social elements.
Amen to God and Religion.
meenas17

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Amen

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 29 Jun 2021, 20:12

I have read some of your Pal poems, and am impressed with the character of Pal you're building. The 2nd stanza is the strongest. I like it. I would look to add an image into the last stanza. It's too telling. Also, I would consider trimming these lines...the flow would be better, and we would get to the best part of the poem quickly...

A reversal.
instead he following
the religious head. it is
other way round.
an incidental reference
to substantiate
Pal's skill.

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