listing to the left

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Billy
Posts: 1384
Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

listing to the left

#1 Post by Billy » 04 Apr 2022, 21:16

listing to the left

i need a counterbalance
to this lead heart
so i can walk without

falling over
into the ditch where
lost loves

soiled by dirty water
shrivel up and die
they were one step away

and there i went
tumbling into that ditch
the weight too much

to overcome
not dead yet after all
i begin to crawl

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: listing to the left

#2 Post by Kenneth2816 » 07 Apr 2022, 16:19

My eye wants this to end on "shrivel up and die"

It's pretty powerful as is though

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: listing to the left

#3 Post by BobBradshaw » 09 Apr 2022, 06:53

I love the idea of a counterbalance to a lead heart. I like this inventive, sad poem.

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Billy
Posts: 1384
Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Re: listing to the left

#4 Post by Billy » 10 Apr 2022, 17:51

Thanks Ken and Bob

Having a difficult time writing.

Not sure why I should keep writing. I’ve been losing motivation to write. It doesn’t feel so important any more. And there are so many other voices out there so much better.

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: listing to the left

#5 Post by Kenneth2816 » 10 Apr 2022, 19:53

Billy, we write because it's the only thing no one can take from us. We write to say, ' I was here."
Our names will never be household words and we will never get a dime from it.

But if we didn't write, one unique and finely honed view would not longer exist. Ours.

You're plenty good enough. Being fairly reviewed by one's peers has long been the standard of human credibility. Take a break if needed.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: listing to the left

#6 Post by BobBradshaw » 10 Apr 2022, 20:34

Billy, one word: Nonsense. Your best poems are as good as they get, as good as anyone here or at W. How many poets have such a unique voice? And you're complaining?

capricorn
Posts: 382
Joined: 21 Sep 2017, 23:23

Re: listing to the left

#7 Post by capricorn » 11 Apr 2022, 03:49

Billy wrote:
10 Apr 2022, 17:51
Thanks Ken and Bob

Having a difficult time writing.

Not sure why I should keep writing. I’ve been losing motivation to write. It doesn’t feel so important any more. And there are so many other voices out there so much better.
Don't stop writing Billy, you have a unique voice and I always enjoy your poetry. I'm a fine one to talk, having been absent for a long time, for which I apologise. The pandemic has had a profound effect on my life as we were not allowed to visit my autistic son for 9 months (and that's just the half of it). I know this has happened to many others, but now I feel my muse has gone. I have been meaning to come back and just comment, but my motivation is low. Tonight I decided to come back - I have written just 2 poems in the last 2 years, but I have some old poems I could revise. So here I am.

I can understand how you feel that writing is not so important any more and can empathise, but agree with Ken that as long as we can write, we should. You have a talent Billy-let us continue to hear your voice.
Eira

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Billy
Posts: 1384
Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Re: listing to the left

#8 Post by Billy » 11 Apr 2022, 17:10

Your comments have been duly noted and appreciated, thank you.

Not sure if I will take a break or try to write again. Right now I feel depleted.

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: listing to the left

#9 Post by FranktheFrank » 11 Apr 2022, 17:41

Hi Billy
I think it happens to us all.
It has certainly happened to me, note the past two years.
Taking a break did me good and I've won two first places in three months recently with the IBPC.

I've struggled this week to be able to write anything sensible.

Suggest you breath and read some poetry, or revisit some of your old work.
You suggested Bukowski to me a while back
and it did me good, I'd never heard of him.

Whatever you decide to do I offer my best wishes.
I do hope you continue to write.

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