Babushka

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FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Babushka

#1 Post by FranktheFrank » 23 Oct 2022, 03:11

She stands outside her battered home
Grad fins stick up out of the ground
She is waiting for the bomb squad
A soldier walks towards her
Gun pointed at the ground
She moves towards him
Gushing greetings with her kisses
her tears wash down on his face
He accepts the bread and salt
With a smile, she is the mother
he left behind

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Babushka

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 23 Oct 2022, 03:55

I like this simple, straight forward piece, Ieuan. The subdued telling and understatement is handled well. I do wonder how the woman washes the soldier's face with her tears...Is it because he sees her and tears up? Or because she embraces him, leaving tears on his face? Other than that, no nits: a good, emotional poem.

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Babushka

#3 Post by FranktheFrank » 23 Oct 2022, 14:13

Thanks Bob
Yes, as she greets him with a kiss her tears drop down on his face.
I thought to understate it.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Babushka

#4 Post by BobBradshaw » 23 Oct 2022, 20:05

Did you tweak this? Now it’s clear … if you didn’t change it, I apologize. Anyway, a good piece.

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Babushka

#5 Post by FranktheFrank » 29 Oct 2022, 20:56

Yes, tweaked.
Thanks Bob

Michael (MV)
Posts: 2154
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: Babushka

#6 Post by Michael (MV) » 02 Nov 2022, 20:08

How about Frank's Babushka for a 3rd

Michael (MV)

SivakamiVelliangiri
Posts: 40
Joined: 23 Jan 2022, 15:37

Re: Babushka

#7 Post by SivakamiVelliangiri » 09 Nov 2022, 19:34

Yes, It has potential.

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