The Sixties
-
- Posts: 2692
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
The Sixties
The Sixties
Every year my head spins
thinking of the famous
I loved as a kid who have passed:
Jonathan Winters, Bob Hope,
Janis Joplin, Ferlinghetti,
Dylan Thomas, Moms Mabley,
Gregory Corso, Sam Cooke,
and my fave Flip Wilson.
The list of names grows longer
than a line of fans queued up
for Rolling Stones tickets.
More and more isolated
I have become a lighthouse
scanning for signs of you.
I keep your image in mind
the way a casino keeps photos
of customers to keep out--only
your photo is on the short list
of those who would be cherished,
feted much the way Jackie
once was wherever she went.
Nearly everyone I adored
has gone the way of 60s phrases:
a happening, the fuzz, bug out
till I’m almost speechless
trying to describe you. Groovy
is as weak a word invoking you
as a sparkler is compared .
to the fireworks that were always you, lighting
my heart as if it were the night sky.
Note: this is a revision of a poem, “Disappearing”, that I posted here awhile back.
Every year my head spins
thinking of the famous
I loved as a kid who have passed:
Jonathan Winters, Bob Hope,
Janis Joplin, Ferlinghetti,
Dylan Thomas, Moms Mabley,
Gregory Corso, Sam Cooke,
and my fave Flip Wilson.
The list of names grows longer
than a line of fans queued up
for Rolling Stones tickets.
More and more isolated
I have become a lighthouse
scanning for signs of you.
I keep your image in mind
the way a casino keeps photos
of customers to keep out--only
your photo is on the short list
of those who would be cherished,
feted much the way Jackie
once was wherever she went.
Nearly everyone I adored
has gone the way of 60s phrases:
a happening, the fuzz, bug out
till I’m almost speechless
trying to describe you. Groovy
is as weak a word invoking you
as a sparkler is compared .
to the fireworks that were always you, lighting
my heart as if it were the night sky.
Note: this is a revision of a poem, “Disappearing”, that I posted here awhile back.
-
- Posts: 1988
- Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
- Location: Between the mountains and the sea
Re: Nostalgia For An Old Love
Rewriting a poem is like meeting an old love and dwelling for some time together.
-
- Posts: 2692
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: Nostalgia For An Old Love
Clever comment, but it doesn’t tell me how I might improve the poem.
-
- Posts: 1988
- Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
- Location: Between the mountains and the sea
Re: Nostalgia For An Old Love
I doubt whether I can improve your work Bob.
-
- Posts: 1988
- Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
- Location: Between the mountains and the sea
Re: Nostalgia For An Old Love
I can't help with this one, Bob. Nothing to give.
Re: Nostalgia For An Old Love
Bob, when I read your poem I'm not sure if the poem is about an old love or more about an era. N seems more in love with the era than the old love. And maybe that's the point of the poem, or not. The old love seems to get lost in the nostalgia.
-
- Posts: 2692
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: Nostalgia For An Old Love
You make a valid point, Billy. Maybe I should rename it…”The Sixties”…( just change some of the comedian names). Or “A Nostalgia For Old Loves”…. What do you think? I kinda like The Sixties.
-
- Posts: 2154
- Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57
Re: The Sixties
The Sixties is a better title choice.
Consider "stars" or "celebrities" to broaden the field, and bring a variety to the roster.
For:
"feted much the way Rossini
once was wherever he went."
consider -
feted much the way the famous
are wherever they went.
Or to make it more specific instead of collective:
feted much the way Jackie or Princess Di
once were wherever they went.
Now I might be mistaken here, but grammatically it probably should be "was":
my heart as if it was the night sky.
Michael (MV)
Consider "stars" or "celebrities" to broaden the field, and bring a variety to the roster.
For:
"feted much the way Rossini
once was wherever he went."
consider -
feted much the way the famous
are wherever they went.
Or to make it more specific instead of collective:
feted much the way Jackie or Princess Di
once were wherever they went.
Now I might be mistaken here, but grammatically it probably should be "was":
my heart as if it was the night sky.
Michael (MV)
-
- Posts: 2692
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: The Sixties
Thanks, Michael. I like all your suggestions except for was vs were. It’s confusing but here’s the rule I got from a grammar site:
Is it “if I was” or “if I were”?
Use were if the state of being you are describing is in no way the current reality. This is true whenever a hypothetical situation is expressed.
I will adjust the poem with your ideas when I get a chance.
Best, Bob
Is it “if I was” or “if I were”?
Use were if the state of being you are describing is in no way the current reality. This is true whenever a hypothetical situation is expressed.
I will adjust the poem with your ideas when I get a chance.
Best, Bob
-
- Posts: 2692
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: The Sixties
I’ve revised the poem with your suggestions, Michael. Thanks again.
Re: The Sixties
Yes, that title change really made the poem. I really like it, Bob.