The Sixties

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BobBradshaw
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Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

The Sixties

#1 Post by BobBradshaw » 05 Feb 2023, 08:47

The Sixties

Every year my head spins
thinking of the famous
I loved as a kid who have passed:

Jonathan Winters, Bob Hope,
Janis Joplin, Ferlinghetti,
Dylan Thomas, Moms Mabley,

Gregory Corso, Sam Cooke,
and my fave Flip Wilson.
The list of names grows longer

than a line of fans queued up
for Rolling Stones tickets.
More and more isolated

I have become a lighthouse
scanning for signs of you.
I keep your image in mind

the way a casino keeps photos
of customers to keep out--only
your photo is on the short list

of those who would be cherished,
feted much the way Jackie
once was wherever she went.

Nearly everyone I adored
has gone the way of 60s phrases:
a happening, the fuzz, bug out

till I’m almost speechless
trying to describe you. Groovy
is as weak a word invoking you

as a sparkler is compared .
to the fireworks that were always you, lighting
my heart as if it were the night sky.


Note: this is a revision of a poem, “Disappearing”, that I posted here awhile back.

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Nostalgia For An Old Love

#2 Post by FranktheFrank » 05 Feb 2023, 17:56

Rewriting a poem is like meeting an old love and dwelling for some time together.

BobBradshaw
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Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Nostalgia For An Old Love

#3 Post by BobBradshaw » 07 Feb 2023, 02:36

Clever comment, but it doesn’t tell me how I might improve the poem.

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Nostalgia For An Old Love

#4 Post by FranktheFrank » 07 Feb 2023, 12:15

I doubt whether I can improve your work Bob.

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Nostalgia For An Old Love

#5 Post by FranktheFrank » 11 Feb 2023, 14:10

I can't help with this one, Bob. Nothing to give.

BobBradshaw
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Re: Nostalgia For An Old Love

#6 Post by BobBradshaw » 11 Feb 2023, 20:39

Thanks, Ieuan

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Billy
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Re: Nostalgia For An Old Love

#7 Post by Billy » 12 Feb 2023, 22:07

Bob, when I read your poem I'm not sure if the poem is about an old love or more about an era. N seems more in love with the era than the old love. And maybe that's the point of the poem, or not. The old love seems to get lost in the nostalgia.

BobBradshaw
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Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Nostalgia For An Old Love

#8 Post by BobBradshaw » 13 Feb 2023, 02:25

You make a valid point, Billy. Maybe I should rename it…”The Sixties”…( just change some of the comedian names). Or “A Nostalgia For Old Loves”…. What do you think? I kinda like The Sixties.

Michael (MV)
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Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: The Sixties

#9 Post by Michael (MV) » 13 Feb 2023, 22:25

The Sixties is a better title choice.

Consider "stars" or "celebrities" to broaden the field, and bring a variety to the roster.


For:

"feted much the way Rossini
once was wherever he went."

consider -

feted much the way the famous
are wherever they went.

Or to make it more specific instead of collective:

feted much the way Jackie or Princess Di
once were wherever they went.


Now I might be mistaken here, but grammatically it probably should be "was":

my heart as if it was the night sky.


😎

Michael (MV)

BobBradshaw
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Re: The Sixties

#10 Post by BobBradshaw » 14 Feb 2023, 04:52

Thanks, Michael. I like all your suggestions except for was vs were. It’s confusing but here’s the rule I got from a grammar site:

Is it “if I was” or “if I were”?

Use were if the state of being you are describing is in no way the current reality. This is true whenever a hypothetical situation is expressed.

I will adjust the poem with your ideas when I get a chance.

Best, Bob

BobBradshaw
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Re: The Sixties

#11 Post by BobBradshaw » 14 Feb 2023, 06:55

I’ve revised the poem with your suggestions, Michael. Thanks again.

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Billy
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Re: The Sixties

#12 Post by Billy » 15 Feb 2023, 22:03

Yes, that title change really made the poem. I really like it, Bob.

BobBradshaw
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Re: The Sixties

#13 Post by BobBradshaw » 19 Feb 2023, 02:02

Thanks

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