What Lies Underneath the Soil

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RamanathanSiva
Posts: 127
Joined: 28 Aug 2020, 23:11

What Lies Underneath the Soil

#1 Post by RamanathanSiva » 23 Jun 2023, 03:55

V2

What Lies Underneath the Soil
( The Sex Life of Mycelia)


Grandfather cleared some of my childhood doubts.
Once, he told me 'stones grew.'
I believed. The stones at Solar stood like pointed
coconut huskers. I soon realized it was I who grew.

‘Trees speak to each other,’ he said, and I imagined
leaves and branches talking when they swayed,
''The real conversation happens under the soil,'' he said.
I chose not to believe him this time.

Daddy bought me the 1001 Answers to Questions
so the under-soil story revealed itself.
The secret lives of plants and trees, the roots
how they connected-- in standard seven
even the sex life of mycelia made sense.

Pinheads bobbed up through the rotting roots
becoming fruiting bodies of mushrooms.
Underneath the soil, a vast expanse
of mycelia networked. We were doing
human anatomy in class.

As long as spores remained single, nothing
much happened, but when another spore came up
fruiting took place and mushrooms sprouted.

I wondered. How did they connect? Human?
Whenever I raised a doubt, the back-benchers giggled.
























V2VvGrandfather cleared some of my childhood doubts,
but sometimes he told me half-truths that 'stones grew.'
What can a child do but believe?
The stones at Solar stood like pointed coconut de-huskers.
I soon realized that it was I who grew.

‘Trees talk to each other,’ he said, and I imagined
leaves and branches conversing when they swayed,
''The real conversation happens under the soil,'' he said.
I was in no age to believe him.

Daddy bought me the 1001 Answers to Questions
after that, the under-soil story revealed itself.
The secret life of plants and trees, the roots
how they connected and later in standard seven
even the sex life of the mycelia made sense.

Pinheads bobbed up through the rotting roots
became fruiting bodies of mushrooms.
For this, underneath the soil, a vast expanse
of mycelia networked. It was at about that time
we were doing human anatomy in class.

As long as spores remained single nothing
much happened, but when another spore came up
fruiting took place and mushrooms sprouted.

I wondered. Humans. Both were external. How did they connect?
Whenever I raised a doubt the back-benchers giggled.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: The Sex Life of Mycelia

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 23 Jun 2023, 21:31

The first stanza is charming...especially these lines about who/what was growing....I like everything about the poem except for the ending. It isn't strong enough. I would segue into something specific about human anatomy and then something personal. The poem is very strong until that last stanza. So it's close.

he told me half-truths that 'stones grew.'
What can a child do but believe?
The stones at Solar stood like pointed coconut de-huskers.
I soon realized that it was I who grew.

RamanathanSiva
Posts: 127
Joined: 28 Aug 2020, 23:11

Re: What Lies Underneath the Soil

#3 Post by RamanathanSiva » 23 Jun 2023, 23:26

Thank you Bob. I saw your comment only now. I submitted it an hour ago. It the Terse Journal selects this and they give me a chance to edit I can try changing the ending.
I was trying to look at it from the child’s point of view.

RamanathanSiva
Posts: 127
Joined: 28 Aug 2020, 23:11

Re: What Lies Underneath the Soil

#4 Post by RamanathanSiva » 23 Jun 2023, 23:27

Humans

RamanathanSiva
Posts: 127
Joined: 28 Aug 2020, 23:11

Re: What Lies Underneath the Soil

#5 Post by RamanathanSiva » 02 Sep 2023, 17:31

I am very sorry to note that poems posted here show up on Google. I wanted to submit this, so please remove from Google.
What sanctity is there if there is no privacy?

Sivakami Velliangiri

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: What Lies Underneath the Soil

#6 Post by FranktheFrank » 02 Sep 2023, 22:43

I think this is almost complete,
Some punctuation errors.

I liked the story, how it developed.

S1, suggestions 'I soon realized it was I who grew.'
After some thought I realised it was I that was growing.

s2 A full stop (period) after swayed.
Keep to the same speech literals for the same person speaking.
'Like this,' he said.
"Not like this."

s3 Daddy bought me the 1001 Answers to Questions maybe place the title in literals or even italicise it.
Daddy bought me '1010 Answers to Questions'. Full stop.
or, Daddy bought me 1001 Answer to Questions.

s4 I was going to suggest changing 'became' for 'becoming', but you changed it already.
in the same way bobbed [past tense] to 'bob up' keeping the sentence in the present tense.
'Doing' is such a poor selection for a poet, anything but 'doing', 'studying' maybe or 'examining',
anything would be better. Let's show our readers that we have an expansive vocabulary
to draw on. It really jars in an otherwise fine poem.

Fruiting, is there a more apt word than fruiting? look up some more descriptive synonyms?

I thought the ending low key, but just the right ending for an innocent girl.

You might want to look over your use of the definite article, see if it is really needed,
does it improve or hinder the flow.

There have been explanations about how public our work is on this forum in the past.
From memory the admin at that time was quite snappy about it.
This forum is public, anyone can read it, from the Pope to a beggar lying in a gutter.
In case you ask how would a beggar be able to read this from a gutter. The answer would be
he is lying outside a rich man's shop and it has a computer and he reads along with the shop owner.
Unfortunately our work is public. No one will remove your work, only you can do that and I understand
your frustration when you have entered the poem already.

Best wishes for your entry. It's good poem.

RamanathanSiva
Posts: 127
Joined: 28 Aug 2020, 23:11

Re: What Lies Underneath the Soil

#7 Post by RamanathanSiva » 03 Sep 2023, 17:59

Thank you Frank,for your elaborate editing.I will make the necessary changes.
The Terse Journal has not picked it up.That is okay, but they did not even send a rejection mail.

S

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