One of a Thousand Drunken Nights

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FranktheFrank
Posts:1993
Joined:02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location:Between the mountains and the sea
One of a Thousand Drunken Nights

#1 Post by FranktheFrank » 13 Sep 2023, 11:35

The Rat Pack of Seven

A million drops of drizzled rain shine
glistening on my coat - reflecting
the light from the flash,
surrounded by a group of friends

Exams over, wearing my grey coat
over an Italian cut suit open
at the top showing shirt and tie.

Bobby, well into his cups, grinning
his hand on Kevin's shoulder.
The smallest, happy
to be part of a group, happy to kill
one evening away from an overbearing
father. Gary, a prince among men,
grumpy that night pulls himself into
his collar. Kevin the most popular
strongest, most balanced, unaware
his glorious life would end, too short.
Geoff, drunk, playfully bends Ron's finger.
Ron unable to feel the pain lolls up against
Ieuan laughing, adoring. Tony catatonic in drink
imagines he is sober, hangs
a hand on Ieuan's left shoulder.

We hug together around Bethany Square.
A giant cedar sheds needles onto our coats
they fall and sprinkle us in the fine rain.

I own: one suit, some overalls, a tool box,
two pairs of blue jeans, a bloodied shirt,
and a certificate that says importantly
the Institute of Mechanical Engineers
accepts me as a technician engineer, as if
this was the key to all future happiness
and wealth. As if this starless night
was the pinnacle of my life.
Hugh and Group Bethany Square.jpg
Hugh and Group Bethany Square.jpg (100.55KiB)Viewed 3912 times

BobBradshaw
Posts:2701
Joined:03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: One of Thirty Thousand Nights

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 14 Sep 2023, 04:07

I like this poem, the optimism and believable playfulness of it. I love how it ends, the photograph going back into the drawer.

I think, however, that you should either drop the Kevin reference or develop it more. It comes and goes so quickly like an unimportant detail…. Also “figure of
darkness” is too common…

Overall, an enjoyable piece…

FranktheFrank
Posts:1993
Joined:02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location:Between the mountains and the sea

Re: One of Thirty Thousand Nights

#3 Post by FranktheFrank » 14 Sep 2023, 11:03

Yes, it occurred to me also, a figure of darkness.
Thanks, Bob.

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Billy
Posts:1386
Joined:22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Re: One of Thirty Thousand Nights

#4 Post by Billy » 20 Sep 2023, 19:43

Yes, I have to agree with Bob. At first I thought maybe there were too many characters, but it all worked well and as Bob said, the ending is perfect.

FranktheFrank
Posts:1993
Joined:02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location:Between the mountains and the sea

Re: One of a Thousand Drunken Nights

#5 Post by FranktheFrank » 17 Nov 2023, 17:20

Edited, I tried to put a photo on as it gives a sense to the poem but failed.
I'd spelled jeans as genes.

BobBradshaw
Posts:2701
Joined:03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: One of a Thousand Drunken Nights

#6 Post by BobBradshaw » 18 Nov 2023, 01:48

It was good to read this fine poem again.

FranktheFrank
Posts:1993
Joined:02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location:Between the mountains and the sea

Re: One of a Thousand Drunken Nights

#7 Post by FranktheFrank » 18 Nov 2023, 04:17

I've put it out Bob. Fingers crossed.

FranktheFrank
Posts:1993
Joined:02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location:Between the mountains and the sea

Re: One of a Thousand Drunken Nights

#8 Post by FranktheFrank » 18 Nov 2023, 04:18

The photo shows all eight of us. All dead except me and Ron.

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